We’re potty training our almost-3-year-old son and it’s going wonderfully. It’s also going terribly.
I put off potty training longer than I probably should have for a few reasons: 1) A friend with a couple older kids told me potty training was the most harrowing part of her parenting journey thus far, and 2) diapers are convenient and I didn’t want to spend 15 minutes in the bathroom every time we went anywhere and stop a thousand times on short road trips.
But I kept hearing a voice in my head, probably subconsciously stemming from passages in the parenting book “What to Expect in the Second Year” and various Instagram advice: Don’t potty train before your child is ready, but don’t wait too long. Sure, that’s the type of annoying advice that doesn’t really mean anything. I’m not the parenting expert; how will I know when my child is ready to ditch diapers and use the toilet? Is he going to tell me?
To my surprise, though, my son kind of did tell my husband and I he was ready. He started showing interest in the toilet, wanting to accompany my husband on pee trips. He started telling us when he peed in his diaper and letting us know he was ready for a diaper change. He told us about his friends at daycare wearing underwear and visiting the bathroom. I still sort of wanted to avoid potty training and keep him in diapers until kindergarten for my own convenience. But I finally gave in because my maternal instincts kicked in and it seemed that using the toilet was best for my son and blah blah blah.
He was a potty training pro! It seemed too good to be true!
So a couple weekends ago, we took advantage of a smoky weekend where we couldn’t have done much anyway and did the thing where you keep your toddler naked on the bottom half for a few days. The idea is that you watch them like a hawk, and as soon as they start peeing (or, please don’t, pooping), you pick them up, rush to the toilet, and finish the job there.
My son being a stubborn toddler and then some, we knew the method wouldn’t work exactly as prescribed. If he woke up and we told him there would be no diaper and no pants for the entire day, he was sure to rebel: “I WANT DIAPER! I WANT PANTS! I WANT SHORT PANTS! I WANT SHORT PANTS ON TOP OF DIAPER!”
So we improvised. I took him to Target on Friday night and asked him to pick out underwear. Predictably, he chose Paw Patrol and Spiderman prints (why do they even make any other kind of underwear for toddler boys?). I tried to get him all excited about big-boy underwear. The next morning when he woke up, we asked him to choose underwear. Lo and behold, he did and he put those Paw Patrol briefs on without so much as mentioning his diapers.
A couple hours later, he yelled, “I’m peeing!” I took him to the toilet and told him that next time he peed, we would go to the toilet. He clearly didn’t enjoy the feeling of wet underwear and pee running down his legs, because all it took was one more accident before he started saying “Mommy, daddy, I need to pee” and walking to the toilet. He spent the rest of the weekend using the toilet without one accident. Of course, there were other quirky toddler things: He wouldn’t use the portable small toilet and he refused to use a stool next to the adult toilet, so we had to pick him up every time he peed, and speaking of that, he also refused to sit on the toilet. He insisted on cleaning the toilet with the brush after each visit, which added about five minutes to each pee journey. But I ended the weekend thinking, the books were right! He’s potty trained, and it’s only been two days!
Alas, it was too good to be true
But then Monday morning came. Monday morning means back to daycare for my son and his little sister.
I was a little worried about how the whole potty training thing would translate over to daycare, but also hopeful because he had done so well at home.
On Monday, he refused to pee in the classroom’s toilet, telling the teacher he was “scared” because the toilets were “too small.” I guess he was used to the adult-sized toilets at our house. The teacher put him in a pull-up during naptime, and he peed in his diaper.
On Tuesday, he again refused to pee in the classroom’s toilet. This time, he also didn’t pee at naptime. He had an accident around 3:30, which really saddened me. I hated thinking about my little guy holding in his pee all day, then finally letting it go during snack time.
On Wednesday and Thursday, he refused to pee all day and didn’t have accidents. So when I picked him up, the first thing he said was “I need to go pee.” I took him to the adult bathroom in the daycare’s hallway, and he immediately unleashed an entire schoolday’s worth of yellow water.
On Friday, worried that he’d develop a bladder infection, I visited daycare around noon and took him to pee in the hallway bathroom. It was probably a bad idea and I probably set a bad precedent and I probably set his progress back, but I couldn’t stand the thought of him holding it in all day.
When the weekend came, he was a model potty-user at home and at the children’s museum we visited. But the next week at school, it was more of the same potty refusal.
So … is he going to refuse to use the toilet at school forever? Is he going to be in math class his sophomore year, peeing his pants? Is he going to avoid liquids because he doesn’t want to use school toilets? Am I going to have to visit his college every day at lunchtime to accompany him to the toilet?
The one time I thought my son was actually listening to me, and it turns out he’s super not. Next we’ll try a special stuffed-animal friend to accompany him to the classroom bathroom, or the teacher will take him to the hallway bathroom, or we’ll get him some headphones to block the sound of the classroom toilet flushing. Most likely, he’ll refuse to pee at school for a few more weeks and then one day he’ll just … go.
Can’t wait to see what kind of potty-training quirks my daughter comes up with when it’s her turn.