I saw an article the other day called “Mother’s Day Is A Crock” and I have to agree.
I didn’t read the article because I want to write down why I think Mother’s Day is a crock before I see if our reasons are similar. For me, there are a lot of reasons. Let me say up front that it isn’t because I didn’t have a beautiful Mother’s Day and it’s not to complain about my husband or my family. And it’s only partly because Mother’s Day in Seattle this year was 43 degrees and rainy (like it is roughly every other year), foiling my plans to go for a family hike—or at least as much of a “hike” a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old can take.
But I do think there are fundamental issues with Mother’s Day, and here they are:
I’ll start with the obvious: Maybe Mother’s Day was created as a happy day, but it’s a sad day for a lot of people. Those who have lost their mothers, those who have lost children, those who long to be mothers, those who are lonely, among many other people. This is a problem with a lot of holidays—a lot of single people hate Valentine’s Day, and many people feel depressed over the December holidays. But Mother’s Day seems especially difficult in a shove-it-down-everyone’s-throat type of way.
Next is the fact that every day is Mother’s Day and no day is Mother’s Day. Once we birth our first child, we spend all day every day being mothers. And it’s not something that’s celebrated, which is fine—it’s our lives. And this one day of the year that’s billed as a celebration isn’t, really, because most mothers are busy celebrating other mothers.
Then there’s the PRESSURE. Moms put pressure on themselves to have a wonderful, celebratory Mother’s Day— for themselves, their own mothers, mothers in law, and all the other moms in their lives. Many of them put pressure on their partners to make plans for a special day… and to follow through. Many put pressure on their kids, however subconsciously, to make it a special day. They put pressure on the weather to cooperate with their plans (maybe that’s just me) (the weather didn’t listen). They put pressure on society to deliver positive messages.
And all that pressure leads to … disappointment. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that pressure leads to letdown. When you have an idea of how you want a day to go, there’s a big chance you’re going to be disappointed. It’s the whole ‘crying on your birthday’ thing. Maybe your kids are sick. Maybe your husband didn’t plan the dinner you secretly wanted. Maybe your husband didn’t offer to take the kids for the afternoon so you could relax alone, like you secretly wanted but really didn’t want to say out loud. Maybe your mother-in-law didn’t like her gift. Maybe the food at the brunch place kinda sucked. Maybe your kids chose today to not nap.
Which leads me to my next point. Here’s a list of what my friends did on Mother’s Day: Spent the day in bed sick with covid, took care of a kid sick with covid, a combo of the last two, got up early with the kids because their husband had a broken ankle, made their own breakfast in bed, felt pressured to eat the gross eggs her kid brought to her bed, took a family trip to the hardware store to buy a new front door she didn’t know she wanted, took a bubble bath WITH THE KIDS.
Do-over next weekend? Oh wait, that wouldn’t work – the list may be different, but there would still be a list!
And finally, I told my husband all I wanted for Mother’s Day is a house in my aspirational hometown of Santa Barbara (or a condo or an RV or perhaps a tent of some sort— I’m not particular!) and as far as I can tell I’m still 200% a resident of RAINY Seattle. (Yes I’m dwelling on the rain — it’s Mother’s Day and I’ll cry if I want to!!) (Actually I won’t because I’m too busy taking care of the kids.)
The best part of my Mother’s Day? My son peed on the toilet for the very first time and he did it UNPROMPTED. So actually scratch everything I wrote because that makes my Mother’s Day pretty freaking awesome. I really couldn’t ask for a better gift. Which is good because I didn’t get another gift.