Ah, what a nice way to unwind. Kick back on the couch after a long day, flip on the TV, take off your shoes, and crack open a cold bottle of … milk.
That’s what I thought Miles wanted to do when he got home from daycare today. We walked into the house and he said, “Bus!,” his code for “I’d like to watch Wheels on the Bus on Cocomelon please.” Some days, if it’s a miracle, he’ll actually sit on the couch for three straight minutes, drinking milk and watching “Bus,” while I get his baby sister settled in.
Today was not one of those days.
Today, Miles’ requirements for his end-of-day Wheels on the Bus viewing were as follows:
He must watch Bus on TV #1, where Dad was already watching the pregame show for Some Important Basketball Game, definitely NOT on TV #2, which is conveniently located in his playroom and available for Cocomelon viewing.
Upon dad’s refusal to allow him to watch Bus on TV #1, he must throw a tantrum for at least four minutes.
He will then deign to watch Bus on TV #2, but only after mom, dad and little sister all go sit next to TV #2 to show him that it’s a fun place to be, and only after he moves the tantrum into that room for a few minutes.
His refreshment of choice, 2% milk poured from THIS carton not THAT carton, must be served out of a bottle, no wait a sippy cup, no wait a different sippy cup, actually let’s go back to the bottle that mom has been trying to get him to stop using since he turned 18 months old.
Mom must start rewinding even before Bus is over to watch again; there will be consequences if his eyeballs are offended by the next song (head shoulders knees and toes FWIW) for even five seconds.
After watching Bus twice, it must be viewed a third time but THIS time Miles must rewind the TV himself with absolutely no help from mom. If mom tries to take the remote to help, screaming will commence. If Miles cannot figure out how to rewind and rewatch Bus, he will call for Daddy to come help, but when Dad tries to take the remote, more screaming will ensue.
When Miles accidentally hits a button on the remote that takes him to an old episode of Project Runway, he will actually watch, thumb in mouth, for a few seconds before yelling for “Bus!” again and starting the cycle all over.
When Miles gives up on figuring out how to turn it back to Bus, he must pretend he’s no longer interested in watching rather than admitting he needs help from mom or dad. He will then relocate to the kitchen, where it won’t be long before he makes his dinner requirements known.
Spoiler alert: They involve a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but only if Dad is also eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and only if mom takes a bite of rice before she serves the sandwich.
If it sounds like I let my toddler run the show, it’s because … I do. I should look into that.