Aloha from Maui. This is my second attempt at writing a post about our family trip to Hawaii. I deleted the first one because immediately after writing it, I realized it made me sound like a total brat, which then made me realize I was BEING a total brat.
I’m sitting out on the lanai at our beautiful condo, watching baby Linnea wiggle around next to me and listening for signs that Miles is waking up from his nap, which may not come for several hours because he’s beyond exhausted from paddling around the lazy river and going down the slide this morning. I just got back from a swim in the ocean, which was refreshing and honestly necessary after having a little too much fun at my friend’s wedding last night.
In other words, I am one lucky mama.
Swimming is fun, damnit
Sometimes, when my husband is acting grumpy, I tell him he needs to go to the personality store and pick up a new one. When I was re-reading my first attempt at an “I went to Hawaii with my kids and here’s what happened” blog post, I realized I was the one who needed a trip to the personality store. It was clear I needed some serious perspective and I needed it yesterday.
I started drafting the first iteration after our second day in Hawaii. The journey here was a challenge, with two little ones under two and a too-early flight. My husband lost his phone on the plane and I accidentally left Miles’ suitcase on the curb at the Maui airport. The first night and full day were tough for the kids with the time change and disruption in their routine, and I was having a hard time convincing Miles that swimming is fun, damnit. I was feeling frustrated.
I started a tongue-in-cheek list called 7 Fun Activities to Do With Your Baby and Toddler in Hawaii. It included items like 1) Chase toddler around for 45 minutes trying to get him into a swim diaper. Make sure he poops immediately AFTER the diaper goes on, and 2) Give your toddler two choices: he can either wear a swim shirt to the pool or go shirtless. Listen to him throw a tantrum for approximately 15 minutes because NO he doesn’t want to wear the swim shirt and NO he doesn’t want to go shirtless. Give in and allow him to wear a regular cotton t shirt in the pool, reinforcing obstinate toddler behavior wherein he learns that if he whines for long enough he WILL get his way.
In the middle of drafting number 4, about attempting to grill steaks and watch the sunset while entertaining a fussy baby and a hyperactive two year old, I realized that I was in the middle of whining about my two year old acting like a two year old when really I’M the one acting like a complete brat. I’m sitting on a beach in Maui complaining about how hard it is to eat my delicious surf and turf meal with a toddler climbing all over my lap, neglecting to appreciate the fact that I’m sitting on a beach in Maui eating a delicious surf and turf meal. I have the privilege of taking a walk with my kiddos to watch the sunset and I’m writing about how annoying it is that my kid has to stop every three feet to say good night to the fish in the koi pond and pick the flowers. Talk about the ultimate first world problems.
Learning to appreciate the difference between a trip and a vacation
After I slapped myself in the face and took a trip to the personality store, I pulled together a new perspective. Yes, taking trips with little kids is different from taking adults-only trips or going on vacation pre-kids. Sure, you can’t really call it a vacation if you’re changing dirty diapers and waking up at 5 a.m. to mix bottles of formula.
But also … taking trips with little kids is a privilege and a delight. It’s just a different type of fun. It’s less sipping cocktails on a beach and more enjoying the look of pure joy on your two year old’s face when he goes down a water slide for the first time. It’s less leisurely walks to waterfalls and more dipping baby toes into the ocean for the first time. It’s less snorkeling and more walking slowly down footpaths trying to find geckos. It’s less cuddling with your husband in bed and more cuddling with your toddler on the couch after he exhausts himself in the pool.
Someone recently told me I’m brave to take two tiny children on a trip to Hawaii. Maybe I am. So are all the other people who traveled here for my friends wedding with their kids. So are all the parents out there who spend every day doing activities with their kiddos, taking them on small trips and big trips, making sure they have fun and educational experiences, getting them out of the house, spending time with family and friends, even taking them on everyday errands.
Doing things with kids isn’t easy. Easy isn’t the point. It took me a few days here on the island to remind myself of that. Mahalo for the lesson, Hawaii.
P.S. For those of you keeping track, yes I did get back from maternity leave less than two weeks ago and yes I am already on vacation. They are truly lucky to have me.