I feel disheartened today.
I went into the day wanting to write about what it’s like to get a toddler to eat, what it’s like to try to take a toddler and a newborn hiking (TLDR: It’s “hiking” not hiking), how I feel guilty because I give my toddler more attention than the baby.
But none of those things feel right today. Today, my kid was whining and crying most of the day and I was just trying so hard to make him happy and it just wasn’t working.
We went to the beach this morning (typical Pacific Northwest beach in October: gray and rocky but always beautiful) and Miles had a good time walking around (‘Rock!’ Rock!’ ‘Water!’).
But when it was time to leave the beach … Meltdown. When I didn’t have milk to give him in the car … Meltdown. When I played “Wheels on the Bus” instead of “Happy and You Know It” through the car speakers … Meltdown. When we got home and changed his diaper … Meltdown. When he woke up from his nap and I gave him orange slice but he wanted apples… well, you get the idea.
I tried to be patient. I’m usually patient (that is, I’m usually patient with the kids. Not so much in other parts of life). But today, I just wasn’t.
I get that toddlers don’t know how to express themselves, that they’re frustrated at their limited communication skills, that they crave independence, that they’re strong-willed. I get that tantrums are normal and healthy and all toddlers have them.
I get that I’m supposed to be understanding and give him a little power and a little independence and some attention but also set boundaries and remain consistent and I KNOW I need to be patient.
But today … That disheartened feeling. I’m doing my best to do activities with my kid that make him happy and help him explore the world. And when the day is still spent in tears (his) with racing hearts (mine) and hangry moods (both of us), it’s just plain upsetting.
Tell me again when the terrible twos are over? I hope it’s before he turns three, because they definitely started before he turned two.