I OF COURSE love both my children the same. But having been a mom of two for a whopping nine days, I’m learning that moms love their kids in different ways on different days.
The first few days after we brought Linnea home, I found myself feeling more bonded to Miles than Linnea. I felt sort of guilty, but reminded myself that was only natural — I’ve had 19 months to get to know Miles, and he’s old enough to have a personality and opinions. Of course I feel more bonded to him; we have a history and an entire relationship. Linnea lies on her little elephant lounger and sleeps and wakes up briefly to eat. There’s a personality somewhere in there, but it won’t come out for a while. She won’t even smile for another month or so.
But while I feel more bonded to Miles, I’m also more challenged by him. It’s a relief when I’m in charge of Linnea and my husband is in charge of Miles because I can exhale. I can just sit next to her, make sure she doesn’t fall off the couch, feed her when she cries and change her diaper when she poops. And … that’s it. Meanwhile, Miles runs and talks and screams and cries and he’s stubborn and opinionated and going through the Terrible Twos a few months early. Those are some of the reasons I’m bonded to him, but they’re also why sometimes I prefer to be around Linnea. Sue me.
I’m learning that it’s okay to like some things about one child and other things about another child, just like it’s okay to like some things about one friend and other things about another friend. When Linnea is going through her Terrible Twos and Miles is four and understands reason and logic, I bet it’ll be easier to be around him.
Having Linnea has made me love Miles more than I did before. Her babyhood is making me nostalgic for Miles’ babyhood, which is nuts because he’s basically still a baby and he was REALLY a baby just 18 short months ago.
I love Linnea like crazy and I don’t at all feel like her presence is forcing me to divide my love and attention between the two of them. Instead, my love for her is almost reminding me of the intense surge of love and protection I felt for him starting the moment he was born. And spending time with Linnea makes me appreciate my time with Miles more than I did before because it’s not as unlimited as it used to be.
Daycare helps, too. Miles is not an easy kid. He’s stubborn and opinionated feels deeply and he’s always on the move and he often refuses food and he puts up a fight when it’s time to get out of the bath and he’s wiggly when I change his diaper or his clothes and he’s energetic and now, at 19.5 months old, he’s able to express his wants and needs with words and gestures but he usually chooses to communicate via yelling, crying and whining. That sentence was a lot. So is Miles.
He’s also sweet and funny and loving and smart. Put all that together and it equals exhaustion. The fact that he’s at daycare during the week gives his dad and I a break and allows us to really appreciate his personality and energy when he’s home.
I love him more every day and I guess that would be true whether I had Linnea or not — but having a second child has really accentuated my love for my first baby.